“In a cubicle in an office-complex there worked a hobbit. Not a nasty, cluttered desk filled with stacks of unfinished work – nor a bare, uninviting workspace with nowhere to sit and nothing to eat: It was a hobbit desk, and that means comfort.”
The first of Peter Jackson’s Hobbit Trilogy is coming soon and here at OfficeZilla we have to ask:
What kinds of things would a Hobbit use for his or her office?
We have a few clues from the book and films, but we’re confident that if Bilbo Baggins and the other good folk of The Shire could have placed orders with us, we’d have been able to make them happy customers.
Sting – the letter opener
We know that the people of Middle Earth wrote and read letters. So obviously stationary would be an important part of the desk. Ink, paper, envelopes… but what about that pesky junk mail from Mordor? Obviously you want something like Sting – the letter opener that glows when junk mail gets near.
We don’t sell Sting. After all, it’s a magic sword (and letter-opener). But we do sell several kinds of letter openers which will serve you faithfully – including the Letter Opener! This model features a titanium-bonded blade that is three times harder than steel. No, it doesn’t glow in the presence of goblins or orcs – but it will tear through your envelopes like an Elvin arrow through goblin armor.
a 3-One Ring-Binder
The most popular office supply is the 3-ring binder. People like to be organized. I think Bilbo would have wanted a 3-One Ring-Binder. It keeps you organized and makes your bills disappear. And it is certainly in keeping with the “one ring to rule them all” theme. Yes, I know Bilbo didn’t know about the whole “one ring” during the events of The Hobbit. But you don’t need to be Sauron to see the sensibility in this poetry:
“Three rings to rule them all
Three rings to find them
Three rings to bring them all
And in your office bind them…”
Snacks? Of course. A hobbit cares about food almost as much as s/he cares about leisure – and that’s no piddling amount. “What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn’t he?” Well, we’re not authorized to speak for Aragorn, but OfficeZilla certainly knows a thing or two about office snacks and other treats. And we think any hobbit worth their foot-hair would be well stocked for any caloric crises. When you’re a Hobbit, the world is your break room.
What else might a Hobbit need?
To be continued in December of 2013 ….